Please tell me if I am wrong

I just read an article by a woman who was diagnosed with cancer. It was about how she was too hard on herself before she was diagnosed and was concentrating on all the wrong things in life like her looks, whether or not she has wrinkles and if she feels fat.  It seemed like she was trying to say that she now has a better understanding of what really is important in life. But what I got from it was enjoy it while you have it (being looks and hair).  At the bottom she posted a picture of herself frowning and bald.  I am tired of people with cancer showing bald as a negative as if it is a direct connection to death.  I just want to ask them to stop.  Bald does not equal unhappy unhealthy life.  Beauty does not disappear with your hair.

I feel bad saying this because they are fighting for their lives but they are continuing a stigma around bald woman that I will have to be fighting for the rest of mine.

Solution:  Would it be possible to start a charity that helps women deal with the changes of their bodies? and specialize in different areas to have these things be seen in a positive light?  This is very broad but I think that it would help.  Some believe that if you are happier with yourself then your body may heal or fight back a bit better.

Hopefully, the third times the charm

Hello again. 

I think today I am going to write a little about what it is like dating as a bald woman.  Well, actually, I will write about what it was like for me to start dating as a bald lady.  I had three takes.

Take One:

I was in high school when I lost all of my hair. I hadn't even had a first kiss. I had gone on a couple dates but they were extremely awkward and nothing more really came of it.  14 going on 15 and feeling like all my femininity had been stripped away before I even knew what it was or how to use it. 

My first boyfriend. It was my senior year and some how or another I had forced myself into enough social situations, as uncomfortable as it was for me, that I meet a boy who actually fancied me.  He was a sweet, kind and adorable boy.  I was not ready or able to feel love at that time.  I was too ashamed of myself.  He asked me once why I would shy away from holding his hand in public.  I was afraid people would judge him for being with a girl with no hair.  I thought I was protecting him.  I was basically broken and couldn't give him the support and trust that needs to come from both sides of a relationship.  Sometimes, I wish I could go back in time and give the middle finger to all those who stared and talked behind my back.  That way I could have really experienced what it was like to love and be loved.  To give it my all.  But thats not how the world works.  Sadly, we do not portray time in a wibbly wobbly timey wimey fashion. (wink wink nudge nudge) .  If you got both those quotes I love you.  

We broke up twice.  And  both times were because I was too depressed to love myself.  Its true, you know, you can't be fully in a relationship if you don't know how to love yourself.  Many of my relationships ended because I was too ashamed of me to be me in front of the one person you are supposed to be yourself around. 

Take Two:

I was senior year in college, 2nd semester.  I had just gone through a break up with a long time boyfriend that I had always worn wigs around.  So, I was going to try dating without hair.  There were 2 boys this time. Well, one was a boy and the other was a man. I met both while working at Home Depot.  (Wigs vs. Bald in the work place ... that would be an interesting entry. remind me later)  The younger one worked in the garden department and  was about 3 years younger than me and a complete sweetheart.  It was full of witty banter and laughter.  The first date was at a thai restaurant.  I had gotten comfortable walking around Home Depot without a hair piece but once I got into a situation where people could judge me and him together outside of the work place I froze.    Oh, I wasn't ready for it. I look the hat off my head and even though there weren't a lot of people around I started over heating. He saw how I was shutting down.  I told me I was beautiful and that I would never have to be worried around him.  But I wasn't ready for this.  We hung out a couple times more but I couldn't handle it. The older man worked in the electric department at Home Depot.  He was a good man but he was 10 years older.  The same experience happened with him but this time it happened on a hike.  There are fantastic people in the world, the trick is letting them love you. 

Take Three:

Well, take three is happening now.  And guess what people! I am actually loving myself.  Its true, I am still going through my ups and downs but I am putting my needs first and being kind to myself. If I am having a bad day because of my alopecia I embrace it.  Its okay to feel that emotion and not put yourself further down because of it. Acknowledge it and pick your head back up.  Meeting knew people still scares me but I think that my panic attacks are started to calm.  Sometimes I repeat in my head that I have to breath and punch life in the face.  Then I am able to think again and be part of conversations. Lets see how things go... Hopefully, the third times the charm.

Drunk men outside bars.

Drunk men outside bars.

I don't know about everyone else's experiences but I do know about mine.  Being of the bald women variety I find that drunk men on the street always seek me out.   I am not entirely sure why but they feel the need to connect with me. They first call out to me with a compliment, for example "hey beautiful lady! We both dont have hair", usually accompanied by a staggered movement of the body following their hand gesture to get my attention.  I think to myself "well, they did say something nice. I'll say thank you".  So, I keep walking but say thank you.  They follow. Shit.... Okay, I stop and turn for the drunk talk time. It is a bit silly. But I really don't want him following me to my car, I don't even know his name.  So, I ask him.


The Failing Chameleon - "Hey man, what's you name"

Steve - "Oh, I'm Steve. I like your head. You are a (big drunk emphasis here) beautiful woman"

The Failing Chameleon - "Hey, Steve, thank you, I appreciate that. I am going to go but you stay and enjoy yourself."

Saying their name makes them feel like they are special and that they know you heard them. This usually makes them feel like they accomplished something and move on to something else.

Steve - "But you know, we have the same haircut.

He smiles and rubs the top of his head. Apparently, because we have the same "haircut" we are now good friends and should hang out.

The Failing Chameleon - "yea, looks good on ya! See you around"


I scamper away through a crowd.  I am short and I find that the best way to get away from people I don't want to deal with is to disappear.  A crowd of tall people are just like a magician's puff of smoke to me.  I always end up walking away with the same feeling.  If people are so accepting of bald women when they are drunk why are they not accepting of us when they are sober?

My point

I loved being anonymous. So, when my hair fell out, because of Alopecia, when I was 14 years old I was really thrown for a loop. Not only was my body turning against me but I was pushed out into my community's spot light and I was forced to portray myself as someone I didn't believe I was.  This stripped away a budding personality of a young woman and replaced it was doubts and mistrust.

That was 14 years ago.  And I am still rebuilding what left with my hair.  I will be sharing some of my memories dealing with alopecia through those years and, hopefully, how it changed me for the better.  To become a strong feminist.

"Why is it that men can walk down the street public and no one questions him but when women walk down the street bald we are asked if we are going through chemo?"

It turned me into a flailing chameleon.